Friday, July 1, 2011

I've Got This

“I've got this”, is the thought, or the more the feeling I relish in as I wake up, change a diaper, nurse my son back to sleep and slip out of bed. My husband is already in the kitchen making breakfast and his lunch after having taken out the dogs. We dance around each other, resembling chaos more than a waltz, and before my whole wheat pancakes are done he is gone. Sylvan has joined me in the kitchen, and we clean up while we wait for Ivory to join us.
What to do today?
On a beautiful sunny day like this?

I briefly consider an outing.. walk along the river, visit the library, but no. I think we will just stay home. Throw open the doors and windows and relish the day.

Ivory walks out of her room in a foul mood. Already crying about how she wants to keep on her shirt, and how Daddy told her she could.... Oh, no. Not to today. “How about you go to back to bed and we start over”, I say, trying to come up with some solution so that I can cling onto that 'I've got this' feeling. To my amazement, she turns around and disappears. I finish dishes and climb into her bed with her.
“I want to eat dinner (she calls every meal dinner) in this shirt” she says “ and then I will put on a different one”.
We make it through breakfast, the getting dressed, the hair brushing and without any battles of wills.
I start a bread dough.

Ivory waters the garden.

She kneads the dough.

I have the overly ambitious idea to start dinner.
My own take on Moussaka - Eggplant, celery, onions, last years garden tomatoes, ground beef spiced with fresh parsley, oregano and cinnamon all covered with a rich Béchamel sauce and cheese.

Just when I am stirring the melted butter, flour and boiling milk together my 'I've got this' feeling ebbs, practically disappears. Ivory is crying. She wants picked up. Sylvan is crying: has a clean diaper – not hungry - probably just wants picked up. And I can't. I can't pick anyone up...

I finish, slide the casserole dish into the oven, and frantically slice some cheese, some carrots, an apple and grab a handful of strawberries. This counts as lunch right? I throw everything into a container, grab a blanket, the baby and Ivory. We need a quick change of scenery. We walk to the closest park and everything is alright.

The timer on my phone goes off, we head home, pull the Moussaka out of the oven, slide in the risen bread loaves and both children go down for a nap in time for the loaves to be pulled back out.

I am left with the gigantic pile of dishes.
I've got this.

Today, for some reason is a good day. A wonderful day, really. And I have to pause a moment to contemplate the duality of emotions that I often experience. How different one day can feel than the next, even though they are all pretty much the same. I know by five, I will most likely be dragging, in desperate need of a cup of coffee (and it is a wonderful thing that for once, dinner is already done), and by bedtime I most likely will dread the task of brushing someone else's teeth.

Or not.
Maybe this feeling can last all day.
And if it doesn't, I am insanely grateful, that I can go to bed, and start a new day.   

1 comment:

  1. Ah-h, your "I've Got This" is definitely for the young:) But happy you are enjoying your life right now!